Smash or Pass: The Harsh Reality of Finding Love on Social Media

By - Victoria Lodato

Beautiful Woman

Smash or Pass is a trend that originated from a game in which participants vote on whether they would hook up with a person or not. Essentially, TikTok users began to recreate the game with photos or videos of people they found to be attractive or not. Is it really just a popular challenge if you use this trend every time you look at someone's profile?

Remember, trends come and go, but that mentality you adopt over time will conflate value with the truth. What's popular today may be 'cheugy' tomorrow, and social media will have you thinking intimacy is inferior to casual hookups. The art of dating looked a lot different outside of dating apps when people used to fall in love in coffee shops. Now, it's all about the algorithmic romance and sliding into the DM's.

Dating culture is everything you would expect but nothing you want. If you're on a dating app(s), you already know misogynists are readily available but hard to find. Social media has opened pandora's box, giving you insight into what makes a girl (or guy) approachable. The infamous red flags are endless and often just as deceiving as profile pictures. Finding these red flags and approachable traits makes it difficult to decipher which is which.

What can be a huge turn-off for some may get someone else's panties wet. Attraction isn't concrete. There's no 'one size fits all' when it comes to dating. You like what you like–not what an influencer is telling you to look for in a person. Don't abstain from relationships based on the number of likes you have on Bumble, either. Regardless of whether you're newly single or just getting out of a relationship, there's someone for everyone.

Your sexual identity isn't a personality trait. Whether you're LGBTQ+ or not–everyone deserves the same respect. Being honest on your dating profile is the number one rule in the dating community. No one likes a short king who claims he's 6'1 with a master's degree from Cornell. Respect is received at the same level that it's given. Expecting honesty from your potential partner or hook up doesn't stem from lying.

Being in denial might be a lot easier than facing the facts. Often, we end up digging ourselves into that same hole. Tame Impala hit the nail on the head when he said, "new person, same old mistakes." Like the song, you may find yourself in another 'situationship' with the same toxic behaviors. The media has defined a 'situationship' as two people partaking in everyday antics as you would in a relationship without the label. Relationships may come with baggage, but they also keep our minds at ease. Not knowing how someone feels about you because their actions contradict their words is nothing short of toxic.

The talking stage can give you just the right amount of time and evidence to see what you're getting yourself into. Preferably, look for someone who's transparent in and out of the bedroom. There's nothing worse than a partner who can't fulfill your every need. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is to refrain from speaking your mind. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what feels good.

Beyond the relationship and sexual appeal, it starts with you and within you. Now it's easier said than done to just "be confident." But often, we associate physical appearance with confidence. Think about all those times someone caught your eye just by how they carry themselves or hold a conversation. You have to know your worth before someone decides it for you. Knowing that you are worth someone's time and energy, they lose that power over you to make you feel less than or fall short on the scale of appearance or quality.

Be the person you look for in someone else. Don't expect someone to open the door for you if you haven't taken steps to get there. It takes time to learn how to love and appreciate yourself. Find value in the person you are, and you'll attract the right people. Don't worry about the mindless left and right swipes on Tinder–they're meaningless. You are what you attract. Focus on radiating good energy, and the right people will come to you.

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